When the Winter Solstice brought its longest night I started a journal of sorts, called "Bringing Back the Light". In it I wrote just small notes of what I had done each day, not the survival/everyday things that are achieved as the norm (though they really do need appreciating - the washing machine has returned by the way) but things I had done that were extra, yet fitted in well. Things that brought a sense of satisfaction and that enchanced my day. From simple things as cleaning the whole kitchen in one go to magical things such as "putting the lights on the Christmas Tree". Practical things that go deeper, like "Decluttering", "shopping without a tight budget" and then the sublime "speaking my mind" and "dancing til midnight". Then there was the spiritual/healing things like "Red Tent" "Storytelling" and the all important "Time for Myself"
But as the Light did indeed return, and with it insights and wonder, the journal evolved. Over the past few days with the Spring Equinox and Thursdays New Moon, it has become a Balance Journal. not just redressing the balance, but noticing the dark and light within the things I do. and sometimes an affirmation that comes of that balance. Its quite simple and so blatantly obvious really. I do housework one day and treat myself to a day out the next. or to quote yesterdays "Being Selfish/Being Helpful"
Through revisiting the music of my adolescent years I have encountered my Dark side in a new "light" an empowering of my Darkness which now sparkles. So many of us find our self through the music and fashion of our teenage years, only to have it ridiculed and surpressed as the obligation to get a job and "fit in" sneaks in and takes over.
Do you remember Shakespears Sister's song "Stay"? in the video, Siobhan Fahey comes in as this mad, dark eyed, sparkling "angel" to take the man to her realm. I recognised her, not as Siobhan, but as my Dark side. not a shrivelled heap, hidden in the shadows who rants and raves, but a Sparkling, powerful being. I love that song, and now a copy of the CD "Hormonally Yours" is on its way to me, why did I not buy it way back in 92? I did have the 7" single of Goodbye Cruel World though! Perhaps I was steered away, or maybe I was scared of facing my darkness. Who knows, but now I embrace that dark figure and I feel complete.
And yes I am sparkling!
Wednesday, 14 March 2012
An empty space, beneath the work top. A wide open chasm of Not Doing!
Crazy as it sounds, I am missing my washing machine. It was confused and disorientated. When the door lock light was on, all was well. but the light went off and though the door was physically locked, it wasnt mentally. so the machine stopped. Mid cycle. Leaving unrinsed jeans and sweatshirts in limbo.
The Prognosis is hopeful, but I have no washing machine for a few days.
Not a crisis, I can use others, I can go to my Moms or down to the launderette, or even do the washing in the bath I suppose, so why am I blogging about this?
I am blogging because there is more to this than meets the eye. A hole, a gaping space beneath the worktop. Pipes closed off and spider webs visible. Washing being done elsewhere. But there is a hole in my routine. I get up in a morning, put the washing in, turn it on. 2 hours later tis clean! now all I have to do is hang it out to dry, either on the whirlygig outside or on the dryer infront of the Rayburn. The Rayburn is warm, perfect for drying clothes, but there are no clothes to dry. None being washed in the vacinity. There is a gap in my day. It just shows how ritualistic I am everyday. Now that daily ceremony of collecting clothes together, matching colours and slowly emptying the washing basket is a need that is unsatisfied. Putting it in the machine, hearing the whirr and the clunks and the swishing and gaps in the cycle, the rush of water going in, the clean clothes coming out. The colourful array of garments on the airer, tested for their remaining dampness at regular intervals. I pace up and down not knowing what to do with those spare moments of time. So I wrote this.
I hope I get my washing machine back soon. How much we take for granted, and how little we realise the impact of a daily routine.